My Past's BIG DEBUT, Featuring Heather Ryan

Nary a month has gone by since I announced that I am running for the U.S. House of Representatives in IA-03 and there has yet to be a dull moment.  If you read my blog yesterday, you know that an Iowa political blogger wrote a scathing review of the book I wrote years back regarding my history in the entertainment industry.  I guess he doesn't care for my acerbic wit?  That's fine, I can't be everyone's flavor.  However, it was incredible the lengths to which he went to disparage me - a fellow progressive - just to make others feel the same negativity.  Going so far to intentionally take paragraph after paragraph out of context and straight out lie with outrageous insinuations.  It's Democrat vs. Democrat and it is repugnant.  With this type of "strategy" the Republicans should win with little or no effort in 2018.  Hell, the Democrats are busy writing the spin for them.

So, if you read that hideous 3,000 word garbage (I know this because a friend informed me of the verbosity, not because I actually wasted my time on such drivel), you know that I not only use colorful language, but I also have a panache for entertaining videos.  So here is my video response to the unbelievable attacks and subsequent pile-on:

If you agree that we should be fighting the enemy rather than tearing down Democrats who are brave enough to throw their hat in the ring, please visit my website at www.RyanForIowa.com and sign up for my e-newsletter.  I need your support more now than ever!

Thank you so much for your time and consideration!
Best,
Heather Ryan
June 6, 2017

Pat Rynard: Still a Petty Little Man. But I'm a Rockstar!

What an exciting time to be an outspoken Liberal in Iowa who happens to be running for congress.  The fourth of July holiday allowed me the opportunity to speak at a well planned Democratic picnic in West Des Moines and wear my overweight ass out walking in Urbandale and Wuakee's parades.  Little did I  know how this holiday weekend would end!

On Monday, I was fortunate to be the final speaker at the West Des Moines Democratic Picnic.  Some
would say it was a spirited, fun delivery.  I tend to believe that we are in a time when sometimes you need to laugh to keep from crying.  After that speech, I had an oh-so-awkward encounter with the one, the only, man-child, Pat Rynard, writer for the blog, Iowa Starting Line. Pat approached me after the event had wound down to ask me in a shaky, nervous voice, what I thought of his wardrobe.  After I affirmed that he was, indeed, dressed conservatively, he stated, "I read most of your book." in the same nervous, 'I'm about to barf from my abounding nerves' voice.  "Uhm. Okay?" I responded.  The statement really caught me off guard.  Pat and 12 others have read my tawdry tale about the children's pageant industry, "Unleashing a Momster"?  At first, I thought, "Gravy!  That's another five bucks I can use for my campaign, which will piss off Pat!".  Then he started on a weird little nervous verbal vomit about how I said some things in my book that were similar to the attacks on women he has made in the past (myself included).  I thanked him for his input and ended with, "But Pat, I'm not a member of the media!"  Pat swallowed hard and walked away before I could finish the thought, which would have been, "DUDE!  It's a book about the pageant moms and working in unscripted TV! I was an entertainer, not a poet laureate!"  But I didn't get that opportunity.

This morning at 10:40 AM, I received a message from Pat declaring that he was going to print a hit piece on his blog at 11 AM and I could respond, point-by-point, to his nineteen paragraph critique of my book if I desired.  Nineteen paragraphs of cherry picked pieces from my book where I used language with which he didn't agree and experiences he believed were not consistent with his definition of what a "progressive" should have in their past.

At first I was pissed!  My eyes saw red and I called my campaign manager for his advice.  But he reminded me that Pat has done this same bullshit hit-job to every strong willed, non-traditional candidate who he deems is not what Iowa needs in leadership.  Pat is the absolute WORST kind of "progressive".  His self-important grandiosity dictates that he knows what Iowans need, but his tiny little man-boy ego just wants to disparage (and attempt to destroy) female candidates.  He is the guy who would triumphantly tell potential women candidates, "You can do anything!" but when they declare their candidacy, the slimy little worm will do his best to punch them in the face until they re-learn their place in society.

I have a super-interesting background: I grew up on the East Side of Des Moines with my union supported family; I served in the Navy; worked as a Civil Servant; was the first in my family to graduate college; moved to Washington, DC to work for NARAL; had a small business that was featured on Reality TV; moved to Kentucky to manage a congressional campaign; got more involved in the entertainment industry; pissed of Senator McConnell; ran for congress in KY-01; moved back to Iowa; did some amazing stuff for the Democratic Party and am now running for Congress in IA-03.  It's true, I am NOT a conventional candidate with a snooze-fest background.  (READ ALL ABOUT IT BY BUYING MY BOOK HERE) BUT, every one of these experiences have made me the bad ass that I am now, and I will not apologize to some little piss ant who writes for a "progressive" blog!


Pat's last question to me was, "Do you plan to continue your race for District 3?"   The answer to that question, is "YES!"  Of course I will continue to run!  Pat's attacks weren't exactly unexpected - I just expected them to come from THE REPUBLICANS, instead of - AGAIN - Pat Fucking Rynard!  With friends like him, Progressives don't need enemies.  We're apparently far too eager to eat each other's lunch!

Stop drooling, Pat.  You didn't eat my lunch.  Little man-babies like you aren't capable of eating what I'm cooking up.  Perhaps my next book will be about my experience in Iowa politics and how you try to pass the buck whenever someone calls you out for being a sexist prick.  I obviously have a panache for colorful language.  Let's see what I can do to describe your pathetic attacks.

One final note - YOU CAN BUY MY BOOK HERE!  IT'S ONLY FIVE BUCKS AND IT OBVIOUSLY WAS INTERESTING ENOUGH FOR PAT TO READ IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH! CLICK HERE!!!!! 

Trump Invades Syria, Becomes U.S. Dictator

Ask anyone in my weird little inner-circle, since January 20, 2017, I have told anyone who will listen that Trump will start a war.  That is what dictators do to ensure they are never removed from office.  Whether through election or impeachment, Trump was absolutely NOT guaranteed a lengthy tenure.  Now that he's probably started his first war, the odds of him being removed from office just decreased. 

Now, all of a sudden, President Trump becomes an emotional marshmallow at the sight of children

being killed in a horrific civil war?  Children have been killed in chemical and bombing attacks since the civil war started in March 2011.  Over 220,000 citizens have been killed during this attempt to overthrow the dictator, Bashar al-Assasd, who took over from his father in 2000.  Photos and video have been readily available on all of President Trump's favorite television shows and through social media  (read: Twitter).  Look at the photo of this DEAD BABY on the right.  His only crime was that his parents were trying to flee the attacks on civilians.  THESE events didn't effect Trump in a visceral way?  THESE images didn't speak to his soul?

Of course they didn't.  Because the United States bombing Syria has NOTHING to do with Donald Trump's new-found compassion for human life.  This attack is Trump "Wagging the Dog" in an effort to distract from his campaign's collusion with Russia during the 2016 presidential election.  By starting a war, Trump takes the media's focus off his TREASON - you know, the WORST crime you can commit - and puts your tiny little attention span on his first war.

Don't get me wrong, I grieve for the 80 souls who lost their lives in the gas attack by their own government.  But, I also grieved for the people who were killed earlier in the civil war.  Also, those shut out from immigrating to the United States as refugees when Trump took office. And,  I continue to grieve for ALL the people who die daily in this horrible assault on human rights.   

My grief is real.  

Trump's grief is absofuckinlutely FAKE.  

He doesn't care about their children.  In fact, he believes the same thing that Representative Steve King believes, that we can't rebuild "our society" with "their babies".

This is what dictators do.  They insert their family members into major government positions, start wars  and NEVER LEAVE.  Trump is an opportunist, and as evidenced by this knee-jerk war, the absolute worst kind of opportunist.  The kind who takes personal gain from the death of children.  He saw an opportunity.  He took that opportunity.

This new war feels very, "WMD" from the Baby Bush era - only far more dangerous.

It's martini time. 

Kick Some Political Ass TODAY (and Tomorrow)

You don't need me to tell you that it has been a challenging three weeks since the world started falling apart.  As if the problems on the federal level weren't bad enough, the Iowa legislature is gutting collective bargaining for state employees, including teachers, ended funding for women's medical screenings (damn you, vaginas!), and want to put machine guns in the hands of every 9 year old.

Over the past few weeks we have seen the best and the absolute worst from what elected officials can represent.  On the Iowa Senate Floor, we watched as Senator Nate Boulton stood up for Reproductive Freedom and was consequently attacked by festering pile of human feces, Senator Amy Sinclair (VIDEO).  We've seen the power of the people as we marched to defend immigrants and refugees (ARTICLE).  And let's be honest, it was fricken' beautiful when (former) Senator Kent Sorenson was convicted of corruption and his family had a titty attack all over the media because, you know, the media MADE him take bribes (VIDEO).

So it should be no huge surprise when I preach that we MUST hold our elected officials accountable, regardless on which side of the aisle they sit.  This past Saturday, my oldest daughter, Heaven, and I attended (yet another) public forum that included Iowa State Representative Rick Olson (D-IA-31).  Mr. Olson is a Democrat who has "served" the East Side of Des Moines since 2005.  I use this terms loosely because he leads all the Democratic Leaders in the Iowa House of Representatives in the Most Missed Votes.  From 2009 to 2015, Rep. Olson missed an astounding 226 votes (See them here).  So when Heaven asked Representative Olson about his truly awful voting record (Live Stream Here - 7 minutes in), Mr. Olson was decidedly taken back and instantly defensive.  Well, what did we expect?  It was the follow up e-mail and tawdry banter about this exchange that greatly disturbed me! 

On Tuesday, February 7th at 3:42 PM, Mr. Olson shot off an e-mail to Heaven entitled, "Saturday Forum".  Rick found it necessary to explain in great, excruciating detail, why he often can't find time in his busy schedule as an attorney to vote on matters before the Iowa House of Representatives AND why he couldn't meet with her and my niece last Thursday after the Senate voted to gut family planning funding.  Heaven wanted to (finally) meet her Representative and (of course) he was not on Capitol property.   

What was so incredibly disturbing about his e-mail is the over-the-top condescending tone of the message.  This was my personal favorite line, "Regarding last Thursday, we had caucus at 10:30 A.M.  I went to lunch with Representative Bob Kressig at 12:30 P.M.  He ate soup, I ate nothing." 

Okay, so this guy is a massive baby cry-cry.  Whatever.  I get it, we hurt his teeny, tiny, baby feelings.  What I don't get, is why he felt it was necessary to complain about Heaven while he was in the Public Safety Meeting at 1:00 PM on Tuesday.  By name.  To legislators.  About HIS constituent.  What. The. Hell?  I mean, Really?  Just like Kent Sorenson wasn't forced to take bribes and just like Amy Sinclair wasn't forced to be a flaming shitbag, Heaven didn't FORCE Representative Olson to miss more votes than any other member of the house!  For Pete's sake, the Iowa State Capitol building is on the EAST SIDE of Des Moines!  He could just about WALK to work every day! 

So I hereby declare, REGARDLESS of party affiliation, REPRESENTATIVES MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE!  Yeah, our brash approach may hurt the fragile, baby feelings of our elected officials.  We may rub Donnie Trump and Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell the wrong way when we protest their disregard of the Constitution.  And when our "friends" on the left fall down on THEIR duty to represent the voice of the people, it is OUR job to call them out too! 

IT IS THEIR JOB TO GO TO WORK AND REPRESENT THEIR CONSTITUENTS! 

DO YOU JOB, REPRESENTATIVE - OR WE WILL FIND SOMEONE MORE WILLING TO SHOW UP TO WORK EVERY DAY TO EXPRESS THE VOICE OF THOSE WHO ELECTED YOU! 

Much Love,
Heather Ryan
Pissed Constituent and Protective Mother

The Bowling Green Massacre of 1993

Praise be to Trump advisor, and prolific liar, Kellyann Con-Job for bringing the Bowling Green Massacre of 1993 to the attention of the general populous!  I truly never thought I would see the day when anyone would pay attention to this TRAVESTY in American History!  

Get ready for a quick, but important, history lesson!

From 1865 until 1993 Kentucky's First Congressional District was representative of their overwhelmingly Democratic constituency.  Then, in 1993, THE BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE occurred when the Congressional Boundaries in Kentucky were redrawn.  Bowling Green, with their high population of registered Democrats was INTENTIONALLY GERRYMANDERED to be excluded from KY-01.  That's right, Kentucky was HACKED UP like a cadaver in a West Kentucky Community College Biology class.  Instead of hosting straight, logical boundaries, Kentucky now hosts bizarre lines that divide Democratic voters from Republican voters to ensure election outcomes before one vote is ever cast!

 

This video explains gerrymandering

By 1995, Freshman Congress Member, Tom Barlow (1993-1995) was soundly defeated by a wealthy Florida Republican, Edward Whitfield (who has since resigned from office amid scandal).

The Bowling Green Massacre is a euphemism for how the Republican Party is SCREWING you with Gerrymandering and Money in Politics!   

Since this massacre, KY-01 (see blue in photo below) has been under the control of the Republican Party.  In turn, the Republican Party has shut down the government, deregulated all industry (including banking and election funding laws), crashed the economy and oh-so-much more!  Rep. Ed Whitfield accepted financial contributions from convicted terrorists, became a multi-millionaire while in office and resigned amid an ethics investigation in 2016. 

THANK YOU KELLYANN CONWAY FOR BRINGING THE BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE TO THE ATTENTION OF AMERICA!!  

Who'da thunk she would do Democrats such a solid?

 

Pissing Off Congress, One Call at a Time

I am a passionate person.  No doubt about it - my passion for issues that effect humanity is what keeps the fire in my belly burning.  That's one of the reasons why I call Congressmember, David Young (R-IA) every Thursday at noon (515-282-1909) and I think you should too!

One of MY greatest passions is Sensible Gun Reform.  I believe it makes sense to insist that everyone who buys a weapon should have a background check.  Anyone on the "No Fly" list should be barred from buying a weapon until s/he is cleared off the Terrorist Watch List.  Clip capacity should be limited so that entire classrooms of children cannot be slaughtered in a matter of moments, with one weapon and one clip.  These regulations make sense to me - and I want my Congress Member to know!  That's why I call him, once a week - EVERY WEEK! 

What's important to you?  Education, Health Care, Women's Issues, Worker's Rights - what really gets your butter churning?  Got something in your brain?  THEN CALL YOUR CONGRESS MEMBER!  I'm serious!  Pick up your phone right now (assuming it's not in your hand right now, as you're reading this call-to-action) and find her/his number (or Hell, just call the number listed above and bitch at David Young's staff for a while).  Here is a LINK to find your member ... CLICK HERE.

Here's why -
CONGRESSIONAL STAFF MEMBERS HATE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Whenever you call the staff at a Congress Member's office, you are taking time out of their day.  That staff member has to stop whatever s/he is doing to write down your information and what pumps your well.  You have effectively interrupted their daily routine.  That alone should make you feel a little bit of happiness.  Tack onto that your educated, well articulated passion for why you are calling their office and BAMMO - EUPHORIA!  No kidding!

NOW is the time to get active.  Right now. This second.  We threw away the Presidential Election, the House and the Senate (not to mention Iowa is now completely in the hands of Psycho Right Wingers).  When a disheartened friend of mine (who I considered an activist) asked me how she can get more active, I realized that it is the job of liberals in the know to do a better job of reaching out to every single one of our friends and family members (none of whom are the 1% - so they are all passionate about similar issues) and make it EASY for them to get active - and make a difference.

Join me - Become an Activist.  Program your Congress Member's phone number into your auto-dial RIGHT NOW and set your alarm for once a week at a time that works for you to call and speak to a staff member or leave a message 
(ie. Tuesdays at 3:15; Fridays at 6:45, Sundays at 10 AM - WHATEVER!). This is your first step to changing the world. 

Heather Ryan
Loud and Liberal

Donald Trump's Secret, REVEALED

ATTENTION ALL DECLARED REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES! 

 Pay close attention to this blog post because I am about to offer up some rare, yet VALUABLE advice.  Normally, I would rather choke to death on my own vomit than help a Republican.  But this political season has already proven so bizarre that it has come to the point where SOMEONE has to step in and offer up some sensible suggestions to the huge pack of maroons who aspire to be the next Commander in Chief.  

Donnie Trump - Starring in Donnie's World

As you may know, I have done some work in Reality TV.  I consider myself extremely well versed on the topic both in front of and behind the camera.  Your boy, Donnie Trump, has also had his fair share of reality TV experience. THAT IS WHY HE IS KICKING YOUR ASSES!  Donnie understands what sells in America - idiotic, over-the-top antics.  He knows that every time a camera is on you, you need to amp up your "nutty factor" and play up to what the public desires - which is being crazy.  Donnie isn't running for President.  He is performing in a Reality Television show and every other candidate in the Republican party is merely an occasional reoccurring character on HIS program ~ Let's call it "Donnie's World".    

Here's the secret ladies and gents - REALITY TV ISN'T REAL.  All the other 16 candidates who are polling at least 1% with likely voters (there are more candidates than that) are stuck in the real world, where people actually think and care about real solutions to real issues.  They have yet to realize that in Donnie's World, those things aren't important.  What is important is to keep your material interesting, fresh and outrageous.  The only way any of these candidates has a chance of creating enough buzz to at least make regular appearances on Donnie's World is to HIRE A REALITY TV CONSULTANT.  I'm not kidding.  They are going to need to bring someone like me onto their staff who knows how to grab headlines in a Reality TV Universe.  

Hellooooo Nurse!

The same can be said to some extent in our party as well.  Hillary effectively sucks all the oxygen out of the room and she seems to be the only candidate the press wants to cover.  The other four candidates (yes, there ARE four more Democratic candidates polling at least 1%) need to bring a Reality TV producer/writer/director on staff to grab some of the media away from Hillary before the DNC hands the crown to the anointed one.  Martin O'Malley did a bang up job last week with his clever stunt in front of the super-grody Trump Tower, but he can't stop there.  He needs to continue to freshen up his spin, keep things lively, interesting and dare-I-say, a little bit nutty.  

So get to stepping candidates - 

Go "Wag The Dog"! 

Here are some recommendations of production company folk who have a little time on their hands.  Any of these companies would be able to turn around Donnie's World. Follow the links to their information:  

Authentic Entertainment - Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Figure 8 Films - 19 Kids and Counting

Firecracker Films - My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding

495 Productions - Jersey Shore

Go Go Luckey Entertainment - Eden's World 

Heather A. Ryan - Really Cool Shit you've never heard of ...