Republicans Cock-Us. Democrats PARTY!

Rep. Ako Abdul-Samad brought down the house!

Though I am proud to admit that I was born and raised in Iowa, I have lived all over the country for much of my adult life.  The military and various jobs kept me on the go for many years - until I moved back to Iowa five years ago with my family.  Therefor, the 2016  Caucus will officially be my very first time participating in the "First in the Nation", Iowa Caucus.  Technically, I grew up here and one would assume that I know the in's and out's of the process since I'm so politically active.  Sadly, this is not the case.  The Caucuses are actually a little more complex than just going and dropping a ballot in a voting machine and hoping yours doesn't have a Hanging Chad.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who is a little perplexed by the Caucus system.  The Iowa Democratic Party worked in coalition with the Iowa Republican Party in formulating the Youth Mock Caucus.  The joint effort was to attempt to teach youths (and newly indoctrinated media staffers) the ways of the Iowa Caucus. I'm neither a youth nor a member of the media, but whatever. I sure did learn a lot from this entertaining training!

The most important lesson that came of the training was: REPUBLICANS ARE BORING AS SHIT and DEMOCRATS KNOW HOW TO PARTY!  Seriously.

The Republicans were the first to give their presentation regarding how their Caucus system works.  Did you know that their system is nothing like that of the Democrats?  Yeah, neither did I!  A Republican who represents each candidate will get up in front of the precinct caucus and pontificate why his/her candidate is the best.  Once all of the candidates have had a chance for someone to boast on how close that contender is to Satan himself, they pass around pencils and slips of paper.  Voters write down their choice and the votes are counted.  SNOOZE-A-PALOOZA!  I seriously almost fell asleep - except for when one of the speakers on the Republican side started yammering about how, if you didn't own a gun, you were a slave who needed someone else to protect you.  Personally, I thought it was a really poorly constructed argument considering folks who really do have a history rooted in slavery were just gunned down at church six days ago.  But, you know, I'm just sensitive like that.

The Democrats on the other hand - MAN - we know how to throw down!  Instead of making an argument for a Presidential Candidate, as would have been the case in a real caucus, five representatives from our party took the podium and made passionate speeches on these topics: Healthcare, Jobs, Education, Gun Control and Civil Rights.  Rather than asking for a lame ballot written with the name of the candidate (in this case, issue) which you support, you are instead asked to get off your bootie and stand next to the speaker who appealed most to you.  Your group must have a high enough percentage of the votes to pass the "viability" challenge.  If you do not have enough votes, you must choose another campaign and move your bootie that way.  Other campaigns may come to you and ask you to switch sides, which makes for a fun, healthy debate.  It's all lively and motivating and most important, EXCITING!  The only thing we were missing from this party was beer and cheese.  Otherwise, it was the perfect social gathering of amazing thinkers ... well, at least the Democratic Caucus was, anyway.

A few things I took away from the Mock Caucus were:  City Council Member, Skip Moore, is the comic relief to any situation.  That dude would be a hoot to hang out with at a dive bar with an open mic night.  Representative Ako Abdul-Samad is going to be a super star television personality at some point in the future.  Seriously, the man is a ROCK STAR!  And the new (unofficial) candidate for U.S. House of Representatives, Iowa District 3, Desmund Adams, is going to be someone to watch for all things amazing in Iowa politics.  That, AND, Republicans are boring as shit - but I am pretty sure I made that clear earlier.  Just wanted to reiterate.