Donald Trump's Secret, REVEALED

ATTENTION ALL DECLARED REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES! 

 Pay close attention to this blog post because I am about to offer up some rare, yet VALUABLE advice.  Normally, I would rather choke to death on my own vomit than help a Republican.  But this political season has already proven so bizarre that it has come to the point where SOMEONE has to step in and offer up some sensible suggestions to the huge pack of maroons who aspire to be the next Commander in Chief.  

Donnie Trump - Starring in Donnie's World

As you may know, I have done some work in Reality TV.  I consider myself extremely well versed on the topic both in front of and behind the camera.  Your boy, Donnie Trump, has also had his fair share of reality TV experience. THAT IS WHY HE IS KICKING YOUR ASSES!  Donnie understands what sells in America - idiotic, over-the-top antics.  He knows that every time a camera is on you, you need to amp up your "nutty factor" and play up to what the public desires - which is being crazy.  Donnie isn't running for President.  He is performing in a Reality Television show and every other candidate in the Republican party is merely an occasional reoccurring character on HIS program ~ Let's call it "Donnie's World".    

Here's the secret ladies and gents - REALITY TV ISN'T REAL.  All the other 16 candidates who are polling at least 1% with likely voters (there are more candidates than that) are stuck in the real world, where people actually think and care about real solutions to real issues.  They have yet to realize that in Donnie's World, those things aren't important.  What is important is to keep your material interesting, fresh and outrageous.  The only way any of these candidates has a chance of creating enough buzz to at least make regular appearances on Donnie's World is to HIRE A REALITY TV CONSULTANT.  I'm not kidding.  They are going to need to bring someone like me onto their staff who knows how to grab headlines in a Reality TV Universe.  

Hellooooo Nurse!

The same can be said to some extent in our party as well.  Hillary effectively sucks all the oxygen out of the room and she seems to be the only candidate the press wants to cover.  The other four candidates (yes, there ARE four more Democratic candidates polling at least 1%) need to bring a Reality TV producer/writer/director on staff to grab some of the media away from Hillary before the DNC hands the crown to the anointed one.  Martin O'Malley did a bang up job last week with his clever stunt in front of the super-grody Trump Tower, but he can't stop there.  He needs to continue to freshen up his spin, keep things lively, interesting and dare-I-say, a little bit nutty.  

So get to stepping candidates - 

Go "Wag The Dog"! 

Here are some recommendations of production company folk who have a little time on their hands.  Any of these companies would be able to turn around Donnie's World. Follow the links to their information:  

Authentic Entertainment - Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Figure 8 Films - 19 Kids and Counting

Firecracker Films - My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding

495 Productions - Jersey Shore

Go Go Luckey Entertainment - Eden's World 

Heather A. Ryan - Really Cool Shit you've never heard of ...