This Veteran's Tits Don't Matter

Have you ever heard authors talk about why they write?  "Oh, I write because it's my therapy" ... "My writing helps me get all my frustrations out".  Blah, Blah, Fucking BLAH!  That has NOT been my motivation each time I've written about my experience with the Veteran's Administration and the new "Veteran's Choice" system that's supposed to be less-incompetent.  Instead, each time I write about these complete fucking morons, I just get angrier that I'm still dealing with them!

If you're not familiar with the "Tit Squish Drama of 2015" go HERE, HERE AND HERE to catch up.  It's a shit ton of reading and not terribly interesting - but Hell, you've spent more time sitting at stop lights over the past week than these articles will take you to read.  

If you're wondering why I'm dropping the F-Bomb so much in this blog, as opposed to my previous F-Bomb free summaries of this astounding fiasco, it's because I have absolutely reached my fucking wits end.  I mean it.  I am so cooked that my hair has turned bright red and I am severely freckled.  I can barely type properly because my hands are shaking so much and my eyes are blurred as my tears uncontrollably well.  

So here goes ...

I called the Veteran's Choice on July 31st - 20 days after the last time I spoke with them - 18 days after they were supposed to call me back.  The first person with whom I spoke said she couldn't help me because their office doesn't deal with my geographic location.  According to her, they have NEVER dealt with Iowa and because of this, my file states that I am not eligible for health care benefits and my account was marked with "Null".  Astounded, I asked, "So each time I've called this number I've been speaking with the wrong people?" She said "Yes" and transferred me to DeShawn who apparently works for another office.  

DeShawn put me on hold for a while longer.  He eventually got back on the phone and told me that I didn't have a referral (authorization) to receive the mammogram about which I was still trying to inquire.  REMEMBER, I HAVE BEEN HEARING THIS SAME FUCKING SHIT FOR MONTHS NOW.  Exactly, the same shit!  EXACTLY.  So I said, as plain and flat as I could muster - "Are you se-ser-serious?  You're telling me that your organization is still giving me the run around because you have yet to fill out a fucking piece of paper?" To which DeShawn said, "Ma'am, if you don't settle down and clean up your language, I'm going to hang up on you." To which I said, "DeShawn, I served in the United States Navy.  I can talk like a sailor as much as I damn well please! Let me speak to your supervisor".  DeShawn continued on for a while about my vulgarity (though that was my only F-Bomb of the exchange) while I continued to ask for his supervisor - ANYONE - who can answer why I am still dealing with this complete and total bullshit!  Eventually, I got a supervisor who AGAIN walked me through the question and answer session I have done time and time and time again since beginning this process.  She eventually said someone would call me Monday to confirm an appointment for the follow up, 6 month mammogram, that is now 3 months over due.  I told her I'm holding my breath.  

Monday came and went.  No. Call.  SURPRISE!

On Tuesday at 11:30 AM I received a call from a young lady from Veteran's Choice who wanted to know the name of the referring physician who requested the mammogram.  I told her to try the Women's Clinic at the Des Moines VA.  I don't mind saying that she was dumbfounded, perplexed and obviously had no idea about what I was talking.  Then, she asked me if I had their phone number.  UHM - NO!  I DON'T!  TRY THE PHONE BOOK!  It's the damned Des Moines, Iowa Veteran's Administration - how hard can it be to look up on Google?

Today, August 5, 2015 I received a voice mail at just before 9 AM from Veteran's Choice stating that I needed to call them back because they had appointment information for me.  FINALLY!  FUCKING FINALLY!  I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT!  I called them back on my lunch break.  I waited on hold for 20 minutes until a young lady came on the phone and was shocked that a female was on the other line.  As if there are no women veterans.  But, I digress.  "I don't know why they left you that message, they were just reading from a script." she said. "You don't have an appointment.  It says here in your file that you are not eligible for an appointment."  

I AM SO FUCKING COOKED THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!!  "WHAT IS MY NEXT STEP IN THIS PROCESS?" I ASKED HER.  "I don't know." she answered. I hung up. 

I'm back to square one.  No appointment.  No follow up.  No one in my corner.  Not the Veteran's Administration.  Not Veteran's Choice.  Not Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Robert McDonald.  NO ONE!!  I AM SO DONE.  

IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS, I'M READY TO HEAR THEM!  

The V.A. and Liz Make Me Cry. Tittie Gate 3.0

On June 27, 2015 I celebrated my 25th High School Reunion with fellow alumni of Des Moines East High School's class of 1990.  Unbelievably, several of the folks with whom I graduated have actually been following the ongoing saga between me and the VA regarding "Tittie Gate".  When Liz (super popular, amazingly young looking, athlete from our class) dunned me most of the night regarding the situation, not only did she make me promise to follow up with the screening that I have yet to receive, she made me cry!  What the hell?  I did a complete make-up job for that event, including liquid eye liner, loads of mascara and a pretty awesome smoky eye if I do say so myself!  So when Liz effectively ruined my make-up efforts by telling me that her family had been touched by breast cancer and she was concerned for me, I informed her that "Veteran's Choice" was supposed to follow up with me no later than Monday, June 29th (five business days from when we spoke on Monday, June 22nd).  I promised her that if they did not follow up with an appointment time, I would call them back to pester them.

Today is Friday, July 10, 2015.  I called the "Veteran's Choice" at 11:00 CST to find out why I had yet to hear from them regarding the appointment they promised for a follow-up mammogram, now two months past due.  Twenty two minutes, fifty seconds (22:50).  That's how long I was on the phone with this third party vendor who has recently been tasked to outsource appointments for the VA Health Services when they drop the ball (866-606-8198).  Can you guess my appointment date?  No?  Well, that's good, because neither can they!  They had no record regarding why I called on the 22nd.

Instead,  a customer service representative named Regina informed me they had a nondescript note in my "file" that said "waiting for A.N.A.".  I guess that's some internal code, I'm not sure, because Regina didn't understand the note either.  At first, she told me that she would have someone call me back in 48 hours.  Fortunately, I have yet to put on any eye make up today, so when I started blubbering like a little baby this time, at least there was no mascara running down my cheeks.  That's when she put me on hold for 5 minutes to try to find a supervisor to help me.  No luck.  There was absolutely no one available to help figure out why I was, once again, lost in their system.

I only went through about half of the saga with Regina because quite franky, I'm tired of telling the story.  She sensed my frustration and like the last woman with whom I spoke at "Veteran's Choice", she assured me that she understood.  I tersely informed her that there is just no way she can understand how I feel.  I know, I was shooting the messenger, but Cheese and Rice, how much can any one person be expected to take?

So Regina put in some kind of order to whomever is hidden behind Oz's curtain to "please process the request quickly".  One moment she told me that someone would contact me within 48 hours (I assume that means Monday or Tuesday) and just before I hung up she said that I should hear something within 60 days.  No kidding.  Somewhere between the next 48 hours and 60 days I should know whether I am approved to have a follow up mammogram that is now two months over due.    

I told Liz this at our High School Reunion and it's worth repeating now.  I am no one special.  I am just one little veteran who typed and delivered mail during the Persian Gulf War.  I'm not a hero - Hell, women weren't even allowed on Aircraft Carriers when I was in, let alone in combat zones.  BUT, if this is the experience that I have had, then accept that I am the norm.  That the vast majority of Veterans receive substandard care in one way or another.  Accept that the ladies and gentlemen who DID put their lives on the line are treated in the same manner.  Accept this because they need MORE care than me.  They interact and rely on the system more.  I am confident that the lump in my breast is nothing.  I will be fine and that I will eventually chalk this up to a bizarre life experience.  But the Veterans who DO need extensive mental and physical care, those are the people for whom we should cry out in RAGE.

Therefor, I implore you, my loyal reader; if you have gotten this far in the text, then surely you are invested enough to help me blow the whistle regarding the ongoing incompetence of the VA and Veteran's Choice.  Click Here to go to Senator Chuck Grassley's Whistle Blower Page or call his office directly at:  (202) 224-3744.  OR, Call the CNN Tip Line at:  404-827-1500 or Click Here to send them an e-mail.  Please just ask them to read this or any of the previous two blogs regarding this topic.  This is about an ongoing example of incompetence that surely they must be unaware!  THEN, share this story with your social media network.

Wouldn't it be fantastic if real change were effected because citizens of the United States stood up for the 2% of the population who VOLUNTEERED to serve this nation in whatever capacity the military requested of them?  It's not too much to ask.  Please, take just one moment.

In the mean time, I'll be waiting.  Again.

Republicans Cock-Us. Democrats PARTY!

Rep. Ako Abdul-Samad brought down the house!

Though I am proud to admit that I was born and raised in Iowa, I have lived all over the country for much of my adult life.  The military and various jobs kept me on the go for many years - until I moved back to Iowa five years ago with my family.  Therefor, the 2016  Caucus will officially be my very first time participating in the "First in the Nation", Iowa Caucus.  Technically, I grew up here and one would assume that I know the in's and out's of the process since I'm so politically active.  Sadly, this is not the case.  The Caucuses are actually a little more complex than just going and dropping a ballot in a voting machine and hoping yours doesn't have a Hanging Chad.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who is a little perplexed by the Caucus system.  The Iowa Democratic Party worked in coalition with the Iowa Republican Party in formulating the Youth Mock Caucus.  The joint effort was to attempt to teach youths (and newly indoctrinated media staffers) the ways of the Iowa Caucus. I'm neither a youth nor a member of the media, but whatever. I sure did learn a lot from this entertaining training!

The most important lesson that came of the training was: REPUBLICANS ARE BORING AS SHIT and DEMOCRATS KNOW HOW TO PARTY!  Seriously.

The Republicans were the first to give their presentation regarding how their Caucus system works.  Did you know that their system is nothing like that of the Democrats?  Yeah, neither did I!  A Republican who represents each candidate will get up in front of the precinct caucus and pontificate why his/her candidate is the best.  Once all of the candidates have had a chance for someone to boast on how close that contender is to Satan himself, they pass around pencils and slips of paper.  Voters write down their choice and the votes are counted.  SNOOZE-A-PALOOZA!  I seriously almost fell asleep - except for when one of the speakers on the Republican side started yammering about how, if you didn't own a gun, you were a slave who needed someone else to protect you.  Personally, I thought it was a really poorly constructed argument considering folks who really do have a history rooted in slavery were just gunned down at church six days ago.  But, you know, I'm just sensitive like that.

The Democrats on the other hand - MAN - we know how to throw down!  Instead of making an argument for a Presidential Candidate, as would have been the case in a real caucus, five representatives from our party took the podium and made passionate speeches on these topics: Healthcare, Jobs, Education, Gun Control and Civil Rights.  Rather than asking for a lame ballot written with the name of the candidate (in this case, issue) which you support, you are instead asked to get off your bootie and stand next to the speaker who appealed most to you.  Your group must have a high enough percentage of the votes to pass the "viability" challenge.  If you do not have enough votes, you must choose another campaign and move your bootie that way.  Other campaigns may come to you and ask you to switch sides, which makes for a fun, healthy debate.  It's all lively and motivating and most important, EXCITING!  The only thing we were missing from this party was beer and cheese.  Otherwise, it was the perfect social gathering of amazing thinkers ... well, at least the Democratic Caucus was, anyway.

A few things I took away from the Mock Caucus were:  City Council Member, Skip Moore, is the comic relief to any situation.  That dude would be a hoot to hang out with at a dive bar with an open mic night.  Representative Ako Abdul-Samad is going to be a super star television personality at some point in the future.  Seriously, the man is a ROCK STAR!  And the new (unofficial) candidate for U.S. House of Representatives, Iowa District 3, Desmund Adams, is going to be someone to watch for all things amazing in Iowa politics.  That, AND, Republicans are boring as shit - but I am pretty sure I made that clear earlier.  Just wanted to reiterate.

Veteran Administration's "Tittie-Gate 2.0"

If you took the time out of your life to read my blog from last week regarding my horrid experience with the Veteran's Health System in regard to my attempt to schedule a follow-up mammogram, first of all, THANK YOU for boning up on the awful treatment endured by Veterans at the hands of the VA.  If you need to catch up, here is the link to the other story.  

I STOLE THIS PHOTO FROM THE VA. Ironic.

The saga continues.  As I was finishing up a major weeding project on this horridly humid, 90 degree Iowa day, Mercy Medical Center called me to confirm the appointment I have tomorrow in their mammography department.  "Wait.  What?" I asked.  "The VA said they were cancelling that appointment directly after I made the appointment because they said I wasn't entitled to the appointment." I explained to the Mercy scheduler.  She was as perplexed as me, namely because it's so complex and discombobulated that it kind of sounds like I'm a raving lunatic when I try to summarize the events of last week.  Well, apparently the VA did NOT cancel the appointment, though they said that was their plan.  After explaining to the scheduler that I cannot afford the procedure out of pocket, she cancelled the Mercy appointment for me.  That's when I called the Des Moines Veteran's Hospital (515-699-5999) and asked for the Women's Clinic.

The man who answered the phone at the VA switchboard could not connect me to the Women's Clinic as they are apparently not available to chit chat during the day.  So when he offered to "relay a message" for me, I accepted the offer, but failed miserably at summarizing the story regarding the run-around received, courtesy the VA.  He said that I would be better served to speak with someone in the "Non-VA Care" department and transferred me.  After going through the entire story again, to a man who had great difficulty understanding the English language, let alone the long, detailed saga, he transferred me again - this time - to the SAME LADY WITH WHOM I SPOKE LAST WEEK!  Oh, thank the stars, Stephanie with the Non-VA Care department at the Des Moies Veteran's Hospital was just as impersonal and abrasive as she was when I spoke with her last week!  

I went through the entire story (for the fourth time today) before I realized that this was the very woman who called me last week to "cancel" the appointment that apparently didn't get cancelled.  After she started taking her very distinct aggressive tone, I realized that this woman knew exactly about what I spoke because she was the one who made my head pop off in frustration last week.  True to form, Stephanie pontificated about how Congress instructed their department to cancel all out-of-VA appointments and she had no stake in any of the blame for any of the unfortunate experience I had endured.  I prodded her four times for the "new procedure" for making these "out-of-VA" appointments.  Eventually she slowly, condescendingly, provided the phone number for a program entitled, "Veteran's Choice" (1-866-606-8198).  In an attempt to truly understand what it is I am "missing" in this whole process, I poked the bear just a little more and asked, "So this is like a HMO?" to which Stephanie snapped, "Now You're Kind Of GETTING IT!".  She then hung up.  

I called "Veteran's Choice", which was apparently a fail safe method put in place by Congress when the VA Health Care system dropped the ball and started killing off scads of Veterans through mismanagement and gross negligence.  It appears as though this procedure was put into place to serve Veterans who had yet to receive an appointment at the VA for 30 days or more.  I learned all of this as soon as I dialed the number because there is an annoyingly long voice message from Secretary Bob McDonald that precedes the super-sensitive touch tone system that routes your call to a customer service agent.  WHAMMO - it dawned on me that I must be one of THOSE Veterans who has fallen though the cracks because the follow-up mammogram was supposed to happen in May - now it's June. BINGO!  This is the way to correct the situation!  CANCEL the appointment that I did finally score out of the network and force me into another bureaucratic shit hole.  That makes perfect sense.  But now I also understood why Stephanie was such an inconsiderate twat-waffle and told me to call my Congressmember if I didn't like the new system.  Her job is effectively obsolete since she is apparently incapable of scheduling Veterans to outside services within the 30 day window.  

I had to dial the Veteran's Choice program number twice because I had NPR on in the background and the super-sensitive system picked up the voice, got confused and transferred me to a number that was out of service.  Seriously.  

I called back and was able to speak with a pencil pusher who works for this new 3rd party scheduler.  For the fifth time, I explained my predicament.  She empathized and I was grateful.  Then she started entering all my personal data into a computer to "start the process of getting a referral".  It will take five days to acquire authorization to get the six month follow-up mammogram.  Then, someone from Veteran's Choice will call me back and make an appointment with a doctor who has agreed to cow-tow to whatever regulations this new program entails.  In short, I may or may not be able to go to Mercy Medical Center after all, even though they were the ones who found the mass in the first place.  I imagine whomever gets my case will be dictated by whichever provider will accept the least amount of money to squish my left boob.    

At this point, we'll be at June 29th or 30th before Veteran's Choice will call me to schedule an appointment at an unknown provider.  Assuming the provider gets me in relatively quickly, that puts us somewhere around July 6th for the 6 month follow up that should have happened in May.  I can honestly say, I'm still missing that "warm, fuzzy feeling" when it comes to my experience with the VA.  In fact, I doubt this saga is even finished.  Will there be a Tittie Gate 3.0?  Yes.  I have no doubt. 

BREAKING: VA Pereplexed by Boobies. Female Veterans Suffer.

I have breast cancer.  Well, maybe.  Maybe not.  Actually, I have no idea whether the lump in my breast has grown, become cancerous or remained the same size it was at my last mammogram, seven months ago.  That's because I am a Veteran of the United States Navy and my primary medical care is provided through the Women's Clinic at the Veteran's Hospital in Des Moines, Iowa.

As a female veteran, I have NOT had the experience of many male veterans, who were shuffled around, forgotten and mismanaged by the VA Health System.  As only 0.2% of the population of the United States, the VA Women's Clinic has consistently provided me excellent service, simply because there aren't enough of us to mix-up or forget.  Now I realize that the quality of my care is primarily because I have been reasonably healthy these many years of service.  Barring a hiccup here or there, my VA profile has consisted of annual exams only.  Until seven months ago.

One of the problems with having so few female veterans is that the VA is often ill equipped to serve female-centric needs.  When I turned 40 the Women's Clinic began referring me to Mercy Medical Center for mammography services because the VA Hospital did not have the equipment to provide these necessary screenings.  On November 12, 2014, Mercy found a troubling lump in my left breast. Six days later, on November 18, 2014, Mercy had me back in for a more intense screening to take a closer look at the lump.  Those appointments were some of the most stressful and uncomfortable wake-up calls of my life.  What was just a little smudge on the mammogram at my November 2013 screening was now a noticeable, sizable dark spot on the film.  It scared the shit out of me.  So when the doctor told me that she didn't think it was cancerous, but wanted to follow up in six months to see if the lump had grown, I promptly put a reminder into my Google Calendar to ensure that I didn't forget to schedule an appointment.  To be perfectly honest though, I didn't imagine that I would need to remember to make the appointment, since I generally receive a call or post card to remind me of upcoming annual exams.

When April 6, 2015 rolled around and I had yet to hear from the VA to schedule my follow up exam, my calendar sent me a reminder and I proactively contacted them through their new, "Secure Messaging Service" to make an appointment.  They had no idea about what I was talking.  Instead, they instructed me that I didn't need another exam until my annual in November.  After some back and forth regarding what I thought they should have already known, they scheduled me for a follow-up with their newly acquired mammography exam department at the VA hospital.  *Ugh* I thought.  This is a brand new machine with brand new techs who have very little training.  I wasn't thrilled to be their guinea pig but I had never had a bad experience with my service to that point, so it only made sense for me to trust that they would be properly trained by the June 8th appointment date.

Women with young children face a special kind of challenge when we make doctor appointments.  Since the VA could not get me in until after the school year ended, I had to bring my 6 and 7 year old daughters with me.  The inconvenience is not to be understated because this was just not an experience that I necessarily wanted to share with my young daughters.  My mind raced.  What if the lump had grown over the past seven months?  Would I be able to compose myself in front of the girls?  Would they even understand the meaning of a cancer scare?  Would this stick in their brains for the rest of their lives as the beginning of the end of my life?  Seriously, the tiny detail of the VA not being able to schedule me before the month of May ended was actually a huge additional stress.  But, whatever.  We roll with the punches.  Me, Ireland and Piper arrived at the packed hospital at 8:00 AM on  Monday morning and were directed to the new mammography waiting area.

The grueling question and answer session regarding every female in my immediate and extended family took no less than 45 minutes.  The tech was in the process of training a young lady who was obviously slated to take over the process once she received enough instruction.  After providing the medical history of pretty much everyone I'd ever known, the tech provided one of those high fashion backward mammogram gowns and my girls went to the waiting room while I prepared for the exam.  It was not until I was standing, boob hanging out by the machine, that the tech asked if I had ever received a mammogram.  This is where I really started to wonder if the VA's right hand knew what the left hand was doing.  "Uh, yeah.  This is a six month follow-up because of the lump that Mercy found in November." I told her.  A quizzical look overcame her face as she stopped in her tracks, looked at her trainee and said, "OH! Uhm, I'm not sure we can even do anything for you today."  She and the trainee then left the room and sent my girls back into the exam area with me, while we waited for what was OBVIOUSLY the first time they had even bothered to look into my history.  Upon their return, they apologized for the inconvenience and stated simply that I would have to go back to Mercy because they just don't have the expertise on staff to properly assess any results.  Honestly, I wasn't too terribly disappointed.  Mercy boasts a highly qualified staff and amazing equipment.  They do boob squishes all the time.  I also figured that by the time they would get me in, the girls would be in their summer school program and I would not have to take them with me again.

That's where the story gets interesting.  Mercy called me on June 11th.  I missed their call.  So they called me again today to schedule me for my follow-up exam, as requested by my VA provider.  We scheduled the follow-up for Tuesday, June 23rd at 8:30 AM, right after I drop the girls to summer school.  Not ten minutes after I hung up from the Mercy nurse, the VA called me to inform me that they were cancelling the Mercy appointment.  The admin from the VA proceeded to tell me that I'm not allowed to go to Mercy without some sort of a third party referral, as required by a new Congressional order.  I almost started to cry.  Seriously.  I'm generally pretty cool, calm and collected but when I began to tell the administrative assistant from the VA that they have been giving me the run around, my voice began cracking and I started to lose my patience.  That is when she told me, "Well, we've been telling our patients that if they don't like it, they should call Congress because ..." I'm not sure how that sentence ended because my head popped off my shoulders and I was in the process of picking it up as she finished whatever the Hell she was trying to convey.  That's when I lost my temper and asked, "Are you serious? You want me to call my Congressmember to let him know that you are incompetent?  I think congress is already aware that you're incompetent ~ that's why they passed legislation that allows Veterans to seek treatment outside the system."  The admin was obviously taken back by my instant frustration and anger and stated again that they weren't to blame, Congress was entirely at fault that I would not be getting this follow up exam in a timely manner.

So this is where we are today.  I imagine that the VA canceled the appointment at Mercy - you know, the one that they referred me to in the first place.  I don't know what this new "process" of a third party referral entails.  I can only guess that some pencil pushing contractor has to review my record (the one that the VA doesn't seem to look at very often), then decide whether I am entitled to a follow up, then call Mercy back to make an appointment?  Maybe.  I don't know.  All I know is that I continue to wait for this follow-up that is now a month over due.  All I know is that ever since Mercy pointed out the location and size of the lump seven months ago, I have obsessed with keeping track of the size and firmness through self exams.  All I know is that I am not the exception to the rule, this is the status-quo about which I have heard so much.

Do I have breast cancer?  I don't know.  What I do know is that since I am a Veteran, I have really, really shitty healthcare.  

Trump Punk's America

It's been twelve long years since Iowa native and gorgeous hunk of flesh, Ashton Kutcher, co-created and hosted the hit MTV show, Punk'd.  The show centered around celebrities playing elaborate practical jokes on other celebrities.  After an excruciating hiatus from cable television, it appears as though there is a revival actively in the works, and it all comes back to the great state of Iowa, during the 2016 Caucus Season.

Reality Television Personality and The Ultimate Skeezoid, Donald Trump, seems to have revisited the tried and true concept of Punk'd by announcing that he is seeking the Republican nomination for the 2016 Presidential Election yesterday at an impromptu press conference in one of his grotesque New York developments. Complete with spittle in both corners of his mouth, Trump pontificated for far too long about how qualified he is to be the leader of the Free World during his afternoon media circus.    

Here's the thing - Donald Trump is not a politician.  He's not a staunch conservative or die hard Republican and probably hasn't even bothered to vote over the past forty years of his self-indulged life.  The Donald is merely a larger-than-life personality who only knows how to hawk his own persona.  He doesn't care about America or working people or the conservative principals on which the rest of the enormous field of nut bag Republican hopefuls espouse.  This man only cares about his continued relevance in American pop-culture.  By announcing his "candidacy", he is solidifying many more years of reality show opportunities and unlimited back-end marketing possibilities.  

AMERICA, YOU ARE BEING PUNK'D!  

Donald Trump is no political genius or even politically savvy.  However, he is brilliant in marketing himself.  Both The Donald and Bruce Jenner have their finger on the pulse of the attention deficit American populous.  When Bruce changed his name to "Caitlyn", my first instinct was to question, "When does the reality show air?".  Just a day later, I learned that my instincts were right on.  The show is already in the can and will begin airing soon on the E Network.  No surprise to me.  Self promotion genius.  His gender change has made him relevant and will keep him in the public eye for years.  

Mark my words.  Expect this "adventure" by Trump to be heavily documented by camera crews for a future endeavor.  This will either be another "Reality TV" venture or some sort of trumped-up documentary (pun intended). I envision a title such as, "The Candidate" or maybe "Reclaiming America" or something equally puke-tastic.  

Donald Trump grosses me out on every level.  As a Political Scientist, I cannot wait for the fireworks here in Iowa during the 2016 Caucus Season.  As an American who believes the future of America is too important to Punk, I am offended by his antics.    

Heather Ryan

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Sex, Lies and School Boards?

It is fair to say that I lead a public life.  Also fair to say is that I wear my heart on my sleeve.  So when something effects me or my brood, I have been known to impulsively take my grievances to social media, the blogosphere and even traditional media.  I also write books, record songs and create videos as expressions of my angst. 

So when we my family moved back to Iowa in 2010 and immediately began notice a mismanaged and deteriorating school system, I began airing my grievances to whomever would listen in my personal circle.  Our experiences centered primarily around my teenager's experiences with the "Hail Mary Pass" that the Des Moines Public Schools (DMPS) threw when they hired a new principal for East High School.  But the real straw that Broke the Heather Ryan Back was when I enrolled my middle daughter in Kindergarten in 2012. Below is the abridged version of my personal story and the public fight that ensued.

We enrolled Ireland in our neighborhood school, Stowe Elementary, around July 18, 2012 so she could begin Kindergarten classes after the Iowa State Fair ended in late August 2012.  Imagine our surprise when administrators contacted me the following day to inform me that Ireland would not be allowed to attend classes at that school which was literally 0.75 miles (walking distance) up the street because our house had been "re-districted" by the DMPS School Board on July 17, 2012.  Ireland was now slated to attend one of the worst schools in the entire state, three miles from our home.  I was astounded when we were informed that my five year old was to board a bus each morning and afternoon so she could attend a school consisting of 700 deeply economically challenged students.  Additionally, Ireland had already MISSED the first two weeks of school!  Capital View Elementary scores SO POORLY on their standardized tests that they have become one of the only "year around" schools in the state.  When we went to the "new" school (which used to be a small neighborhood school until the DMPS Board and Superintendent Witherspoon demolished it ten years ago and replaced it with a new, consolidated mega-structure in a bizarre, arm twisting scheme for a sales tax increase and a slew of non-bid contracts), I was aghast at the Prison feel of the institution.  Literally.  It looked and felt like a prison.

Long story kind-of short, we finally sucked it up and powered through several months of Ireland's Kindergerden year.  Some of our issues with that particular school were that it is infested with head lice, which is apparently no longer considered an "illness" by DMPS, so students are not even sent home with instructions for treatment.  There is no PTSA or similar group to encourage parental involvement.  EVERY child receives free breakfast and lunch because the prevalence of poverty is so great - no state/federal qualification forms need to be filled out there - this "School in Need of Assistance" is just considered 100% free and reduced eligible.  Finally, Ireland was 1 of almost 30 kids in her class - a huge class - but that was just one of the FOUR Kindergarten classes in this gigantic consolidated school.  So when "Open Enrollment" season finally opened up, we faxed our application paperwork in on the very first day, then I mailed it.  I wanted to make sure that it was received by DMPS!  We were simply asking that our family be allowed to drive (or walk) Ireland to another neighborhood school that was more compatible with our family's needs.  Since DMPS is an "Open Enrollment System", I didn't think we were asking too much.

Then we waited. And waited.  We waited for over three months for the school district to send us a letter that stated we couldn't leave Capital View Elementary, the school that they forced my daughter into, because of our "Economic Status".  Don't ask me exactly what that's supposed to mean because in a 100% "Free and Reduced Lunch Eligible" school, it seems like everyone asking to leave the school would be denied for the same reason.  Also, don't ask the School Board what that means because they will direct you to seek answers from their attorney.  I know because that's what they did to parents questioning these (300) letters at the very next school board meeting, which I attended.


This school board has been vexed with scandals, bad leadership, and a members who treat parents with disdain for years.  But it wasn't until I personally started to experience their gross negligence that I really started to pay attention to the severe mismanagement of our schools by just a handful of self-proclaimed elitists.  I continued to pay attention to their website and the news stories swirling around their latest scandals and lawsuits over the months that followed my family's encounter with the backwards system.  The DMPS website stated that they would post information about the School Board Election "Mid 2013" and I was interested to see who I could throw my support behind once the process and candidates were announced.  When I e-mailed the board on Sunday June 9, 2013 to ask when they would be updating the site with information about the election process (an election that was just 3 months away at that point), I received four separate e-mails back from board members and their hired mouthpiece.  The responses ranged from unhelpful to insulting.  It was absolutely unbelievable that the folks who are ultimately responsible for teaching our children would send correspondence filled with misspellings, misinformation and antagonism in response to my simple, three sentence inquiry.  That's when I decided it was time for me to do my part to "Bounce the Board".   I started a Facebook Page, created a Twitter account and gave interviews to the local media.

As stated above, this School Board has been plagued with drama, scandal and lawsuits for many, many years.  The three members who seem to hold the rest of the board by the short hairs are Boesen, Caldwell-Johnson and Murphy and they are ALL up for re-election in September.  Additionally, they are all the nitwits who shot back bizarre responses to my simple inquiry in early June.  Surely, it's not too much to ask to replace (at least) three of the four current members who are seeking re-election, Right?

Well, easier said than done, I'm sure.  This campaign will surely take more than just a Facebook presence and Twitter account.  These members have a collective tenure of 30ish years on the School Board, tons of name recognition and most importantly, MONEY.  But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this movement gains momentum and the oodles of folks who have contacted me regarding their similarly poor experiences are proactive and aggressive in the effort to Bounce the Board in the September 10, 2013 elections.  Des Moines deserves a school board that is more dedicated to student excellence than their own inflated egos.

So PLEASE, click these hyperlinks to join the Facebook Page and Twitter Account.  Share this blog, share your story (comment on this blog or Facebook) and help spread the word!  The only way this will be successful is if we have strong candidates willing to stand up for the students during this desperately important election and dedicated activists who help spread the word and get out to vote on the weird, obscure election date of Tuesday, September 10, 2013!

Please help me, Bounce the Board!          
 
Until Next Time,

Heather Ryan
@LoudAndLiberal

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